Every January, you promise yourself this will be the year. You may think: This time, I’ll finally lose the weight, cut back on drinking, stop feeling so anxious, or fix that relationship I’ve been neglecting.
You may make it through January, but the failure rate for many New Year’s resolutions hovers around 80%. After a month or two into the new year, you might have given up on your goal and may be carrying the additional weight of disappointment and self-blame.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. More importantly, you may not be failing because you lack willpower or discipline. When you find yourself making the same resolutions year after year without lasting change, it may be time to consider a different possibility: how mental health is involved.
New Year’s Resolutions
Depression Treatment
Therapy Benefits
Self-Sabotage
Why Do I Keep Failing at My New Year’s Resolutions?
If only 9% of Americans ultimately keep their resolutions, this means the vast majority of people struggle just like you do. But while fitness gurus and self-help books will tell you to set smarter goals, track your habits, or find an accountability partner, these strategies often miss a crucial truth: behavioral change is nearly impossible when underlying mental health conditions are working against you.
Key Insight
Only 9% of Americans keep their New Year’s resolutions, but this isn’t about willpower. When mental health conditions are present, traditional goal-setting strategies simply won’t work without addressing the underlying issues first.
The Willpower Myth: Why “Just Try Harder” Doesn’t Work
For decades, we’ve been told that willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals. But actually, the very belief that you just need more self-control may be setting you up for failure.
Success is often influenced by a combination of personality traits, environmental factors, and social contexts rather than willpower alone. In reality, when you’re battling anxiety, depression, undiagnosed ADHD, or trauma, your brain is working with fundamentally different resources.
How Mental Health Conditions Sabotage Your Goals
The resolutions you make year after year to lose weight, drink less, manage anxiety, and improve relationships aren’t random. They’re often symptoms of deeper struggles that haven’t been identified or addressed. Consider what other factors might be at play, and give yourself some newfound grace.
When Depression Derails Your Best Intentions
This year, you may plan to exercise more, eat better, or reconnect with friends. But anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues are common conditions that nearly 21 million adults in the U.S. deal with each year (as of 2021 data).
While it manifests differently from person to person, depression doesn’t just make you feel sad: it fundamentally alters your motivation, energy levels, and ability to experience pleasure. When you’re depressed, the activities that would help you feel better feel impossibly difficult.
ADHD: The Hidden Hurdle
Many adults struggle for years without realizing they have Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity (ADHD). They may just think they’re lazy, undisciplined, or fundamentally flawed. Individuals with ADHD may struggle with impulsivity, emotional regulation, and consistency, leading to self-sabotaging behavior like missed deadlines, emotional outbursts, or difficulty following routines.
Living with ADHD can make it difficult to reach your goals and find a routine that works. Your resolution to wake up earlier, stick to a budget, or stop procrastinating faces up against mental health factors that no amount of determination or “willpower” can overcome.
Depression
Alters motivation, energy levels, and ability to experience pleasure; making even helpful activities feel impossibly difficult.
ADHD
Impairs impulse control, emotional regulation, and consistency; creating self-sabotaging patterns despite best intentions.
Anxiety
Hijacks efforts through fear-based procrastination and avoidance, creating cycles that confirm worst fears.
Anxiety and the Self-Sabotage Cycle
If you want to be less anxious this year, you might make resolutions to meditate, practice self-care, or “worry less.” But anxiety has a way of hijacking your best efforts, whether it’s related to politics, finances, relationships, the holidays, or more. These deep-rooted beliefs and thinking patterns can fuel all kinds of fears that can result in procrastination or avoidance. If left unchecked, this can lead to general anxiety, social anxiety, and depression.
Ironically, the very act of setting ambitious goals can trigger anxiety about failure, which confirms your worst fears about yourself. It’s a cycle that feels impossible to break on your own. Luckily, anxiety (and depression and ADHD) is a very treatable and common condition that doesn’t have to get in your way.
Depression, ADHD, and anxiety are not the only mental health issues that can make reaching your annual goals a challenge. Substance abuse challenges, trauma, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and others might be at play. The first step, though, is doing some self-evaluation and talking to a licensed mental health professional.
What Does Self-Sabotage Really Look Like?
Getting in your own way isn’t always obvious, and it doesn’t always look like giving up. Knowing the below signs of self-sabotage can equip you with the tools to interrupt your harmful patterns and start reaching your goals:
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Perfectionism:
Setting goals so rigid that any deviation feels like complete failure
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Procrastination:
Avoiding starting something because you’re terrified you won’t succeed
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All-or-nothing thinking:
Thinking along the lines of “I ate one cookie, so I might as well eat the whole box”
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Isolation:
Pulling away from people who could support you
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Negative self-talk:
Telling yourself phrases like “I always fail, so why bother trying?” or “I deserve for bad things to happen to me”
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Comparison:
Measuring yourself against others’ highlight reels
Low self-esteem and unfounded beliefs about being deficient, not good enough, incapable, or unintelligent contribute to self-defeating behavior. These core beliefs fuel fears about performance and can cause procrastination or avoidance.
If you find yourself getting in your own way, remember: These patterns aren’t character flaws. They’re often learned responses to unmet emotional needs. Plus, they’re incredibly common among people with undiagnosed mental health conditions.
How Do I Know If I Need Professional Help?
If you’re reading this and wondering whether your resolution struggles signal something deeper, try asking yourself these questions:
- Have I made the same resolution for three or more years?
- Repeated patterns often indicate a systemic issue rather than a simple habit problem.
- Do my struggles affect multiple areas of my life?
- When the same issues show up in your work, relationships, health, and self-esteem, there’s usually a common thread.
- Have I tried everything and still struggle?
- If you’ve read all the books, tried all the apps, and enlisted all the accountability partners to no avail, it’s time to look deeper.
- Do I feel hopeless about change?
- Persistent feelings of defeat, shame, or worthlessness are signs that you’re carrying more than just a “bad habit.”
- Am I using substances to cope?
- If you regularly rely on alcohol, food, drugs, or other behaviors to manage your emotions, professional support can help you develop healthier strategies.
Prioritizing your mental health needs doesn’t have to follow a significant or traumatic event in your life. It can be the natural next step if you notice the little things adding up and your resolutions getting harder and harder to achieve.
What Can Therapy Actually Do for My Resolutions?
Despite what some may think, therapy isn’t about having someone tell you to try harder or hold you accountable. It’s about uncovering and addressing the root causes that have been affecting your efforts all along. Finding emotional healing starts with a diagnosis, if applicable, exploring root causes, and building the skills to manage your needs.
Accurate Diagnosis Changes Everything
A thorough evaluation for a specific condition, or a few, might seem scary and overwhelming. But getting an accurate diagnosis gives you clarity. Suddenly, your struggles have a name and a framework. Whether you have ADHD, anxiety, PTSD, depression, or another condition, early identification improves the effectiveness of treatment and improves your overall quality of life. You’re not broken or lazy: you’re dealing with a legitimate challenge that has real solutions.
Why Diagnosis Matters:
Getting an accurate diagnosis transforms your struggles from personal failings into treatable conditions with proven solutions. Early identification dramatically improves treatment effectiveness and quality of life.
Therapy Addresses the “Why,” Not Just the “What”
Resolutions and therapy may share the same end goal of bettering yourself, but they approach it in very different ways. Resolution-setting focuses on behavior: eat less, exercise more, save money. Therapy digs into why those behaviors have been so difficult to sustain.
A skilled therapist can help you:
- Identify patterns you’ve been repeating unconsciously
- Understand how your past experiences shape your current struggles
- Develop emotional regulation skills
- Build authentic self-esteem that isn’t contingent on perfection
- Create sustainable strategies tailored to your brain, not someone else’s
You Learn Skills That Last Beyond January
Therapy is not meant to give you a one-time fix for a sticky situation or a script for handling one tough conversation. Therapy approaches are long-term treatments that can be very helpful in creating lasting change. Some common frameworks include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), to name a few.
1. Recognize and challenge self-defeating thoughts
2. Tolerate distress without harmful coping mechanisms
3. Practice compassion for yourself
4. Build a life aligned with your values, not just your to-do list
Making Therapy Your Resolution This Year
This year, instead of resolving to change your behavior through just more willpower and determination, consider making a different commitment: to understand yourself better and get the support you deserve.
When finding a therapist, look for someone who:
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Has experience with the issues you’re facing (ADHD, anxiety, depression, substance use, etc.)
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Uses evidence-based approaches
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Makes you feel heard and respected, not judged
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Collaborates with you rather than dictating what you should do
Seeking therapy is about acknowledging that you’ve been fighting an uphill battle with limited tools and wanting to make a change, not admitting defeat. With proper treatment, you can work towards genuine self-motivation.
Take the First Step Towards a Healthier You
Change takes time, and it doesn’t have to start with a sweeping life overhaul. It can start with one phone call, one appointment, one honest conversation about what you’ve been struggling with. Setting New Year’s resolutions already proves you have the desire to change, so now it’s time to get the support that makes change possible.
Find a therapist near you who can help you understand what’s been holding you back and build a path forward that actually works for your life and your unique circumstances.
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.
