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(as of Jan 20, 2026 23:25:58 UTC – Details)
You can be a grown adult with a good heart and a clear mind, and still panic when someone loves you well.
That is the quiet heartbreak of relational trauma. You finally land in something healthy, steady, and kind. And instead of relief, your body starts scanning. Your chest tightens. You rehearse the ending. You reach for your old exit: substances, scrolling, work, disappearance, control, testing, or silence.
You do not do this because you are broken. You do it because your nervous system learned that closeness comes with a cost.
The 11 Vows of Secure Intimacy is a transformative guide for people who sabotage the love they want most. This book tells the truth about what coping costs, then gives you a practical path out.
WHO THIS BOOK IS FOR
This book is for you if intimacy activates shame, calm makes you restless, you get clingy or cold when relationships become real, you keep secrets to stay safe, you test instead of asking, you rehearse loss, or you love someone and still feel afraid to be fully seen.
WHAT YOU WILL LEARN
The Nervous System Truth: Why your body treats safety like danger after chaos, and how to work with the “safety paradox.”
The Eleven Vows: Practical commitments that replace fear with secure skills:
Tell the truth earlyStay in the roomAsk, not testChoose repair over winningStop rehearsing lossEnd secrecy and omissionHold boundaries without withdrawingRegulate before you escalateLet love be simpleHeal shameBuild a relationship that holds your whole life
Language That Works: Clean scripts for activated moments when you cannot think clearly.
Daily Practices: Body-based regulation tools, repair structures, and relationship rituals that build trust through repetition.
WHAT’S INSIDE
Eleven Vows with nervous system logic, personal stories, and 4 practices each
30-Day Practice Plan with daily body work and relational actions
52-Week Couples Workbook for deeper integration
THE FOUR PILLARSTruth Early – Speak before fear becomes secrecyPresence in the Room – Stay connected, return when promisedRepair as Maintenance – Fix small fractures fastNervous System Responsibility – Own your activationABOUT THE AUTHOR
Trey Malicoat, M.S., is a trauma-informed practitioner with 28+ years of experience in crisis response and relational healing. He is the creator of The 11 Vows Series and lives in Denver, Colorado.
YOU DO NOT FIND SECURE INTIMACY. YOU BUILD IT.
One vow. One week. One honest moment at a time.
Scroll up and click “Buy Now” to start building the intimacy you want.
ASIN : B0FMX8V9D2
Accessibility : Learn more
Publication date : December 23, 2025
Language : English
File size : 264 KB
Screen Reader : Supported
Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
X-Ray : Not Enabled
Word Wise : Enabled
Print length : 186 pages
Page Flip : Enabled
Part of series : The Sacred Vows of Love
Best Sellers Rank: #25,280 in Healthy Relationships (Books) #57,746 in Parenting & Relationships (Books)
