Happy September, Friends! September has always felt like a month in between, where one thing ends, but the next hasn’t fully begun. The air turns cooler, the days grow shorter, and everything seems to be slowly loosening its grip on summer. I feel that same shift in my spirit lately: a quiet separation from something familiar, but the picture of what’s ahead is only a simple sketch.

It’s uncomfortable, this space between seasons. Letting go is hard, especially when you don’t yet know what you’re reaching for. Maybe that’s where faith is most alive- in the surrender. I’m convinced that transition isn’t just about moving forward; sometimes it’s about finding still, trusting that God is working even when what comes next is uncertain.

So this September, I invite you to give yourself permission to be in the middle, to not rush, to not force clarity, but to meet God right here, in the holy tension of what was and what’s yet to be.

Today’s Question: Many of your posts talk about separating from your spouse. I have not been able to find guidelines on how to practically separate. What happens to joint finances? Where and how do I live on limited finances?

Susan’s Response: This question is both practical and deeply personal. And I know it resonates with so many Christian women silently suffering in destructive marriages. But let me be clear, my response is not intended to encourage divorce. My desire is to give you tools and clarity to protect your emotional, physical, financial and spiritual safety. Sometimes, that means a time of separation. A marriage filled with violence, deceit, and betrayal is not pleasing to God. Marriage was not designed to sanctify persistent harm.

Many women feel paralyzed by the fear that separation is unbiblical or shows a lack of faith. But Scripture does not command you to stay under abuse. In fact, Psalm 11:5 tells us, “The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.” If your marriage has become a place of emotional, spiritual, or physical destruction, separation may be the most honorable choice for you, your children, and even for your spouse, who may need the wakeup call of real consequences to seek change.

So what does separation look like? There is no one size fits all answer. It is almost always inconvenient and uncomfortable, but it still may be necessary. Since you have a limited budget, housing may come through friends, family, or community support.

The extent of your shared assets and financial situation isn’t clear from your question. Perhaps you lack access to shared money, don’t have any resources at all, or simply aren’t sure of your legal rights. That uncertainty makes it even more important that you get legal counsel before you separate. Many women don’t realize that if they move out without legal protection, they could lose access to money, property, or other resources that are rightfully theirs.

Be aware that in some states, legal separation allows a couple to formally divide assets, determine financial responsibilities, and set enforceable boundaries without divorcing. This might preserve benefits like health insurance or tax filing while protecting each party’s financial interests. However, not all states recognize legal separation, so it’s critical to understand what your state allows.

Before taking any steps, consult a family law attorney or a legal aid resource in your area. It’s not about preparing for divorce so much as it is about protecting your future, your children, and your peace of mind. Ignorance of your rights can leave you vulnerable. Gaining clarity on what’s legally yours can help you move forward with confidence and wisdom. Since your situation isn’t fully detailed, I want to offer broader guidance to help you plan.

When safety is at risk, whether physical or psychological, your first priority is protection and escape planning. Create a safety plan as soon as possible; the domestic violence hotline (1800-799-7233) can help you with a checklist. Know where you’ll go, what you’ll bring, and who you can trust. Gather essentials like ID, birth certificates, bank cards, keys, medications, as well as copies of legal and financial documents discreetly.

Reach out to local resources like local domestic violence shelters, women’s or family crisis centers, and legal aid organizations for free resources. Protect your privacy online by using incognito mode to search for resources and change any passwords, especially to financial accounts and email. If there have been violent offenses, consider filing for a restraining order or emergency custody if you have children. Be sure to consult an attorney first, especially when children are involved.

You may need to leave quietly without warning. Proverbs 22:3 reminds us, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” It is godly wisdom to remove yourself from an unsafe environment.

Maybe your relationship isn’t violent, but conflict is constant, communication is broken, and trust is low. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Sometimes, that peace isn’t possible.

If trust is severely broken and peace cannot be restored, separation may be the healthiest step toward healing. Ongoing harm always affects your physical health as well and it must be taken seriously.

If your husband escalates when you set boundaries, or if he blocks you from leaving, you may be in a controlling relationship that is more unsafe than you realize. Even emotional or spiritual abuse can escalate quickly into danger.

Another option is Therapeutic Separation, which is a structured and intentional time apart designed to rebuild safety and trust within the marriage. This approach is best suited for couples who are not in immediate danger, but where serious breakdown has occurred and both spouses are open to personal growth and healing.

Therapeutic separation typically includes clear goals and boundaries, mutual agreements on logistics (like finances, parenting, and housing), regular involvement with a counselor, coach, or pastor, and a timeline for review and next steps.

Ephesians 5:11 reminds us to “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” This kind of separation can shine light on destructive patterns while giving both spouses the space to reflect, take responsibility, and begin doing the deeper work of restoration, if that’s possible.

Separation can provide space to see whether your husband is willing to seek healing, be accountable, and rebuild trust. Scripture distinguishes between divorce, which is the legal end to the marriage that may have already been covenantally broken, and separation, which may be a temporary or long-term pause to protect one’s heart, mind, and spirit. Some separations end in restoration. Others clarify that the marriage no longer reflects God’s design.

If your marriage feels like slavery, oppression, or torment, God has not called you to that. Galatians 5:1 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

The logistics of separation are hard but the physical and emotional toll of staying in a destructive relationship can be even heavier. Remember Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” You are not failing God by choosing to step out of harm’s way. God loves you. He is a protector of the oppressed and a refuge in your distress.

Be Well!

Beloved reader, what have you learned about the importance of careful thought and planning while in a season of marital separation?