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Intoxicated is a mesmerizing memoir about surviving a chaotic yet hilarious life, shared with an ADHD partner, who loves beer – perfect for fans of I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL by Tucker Max, IF WE BREAK by Kathleen Buhle, THINGS WE NEVER GOT OVER by Lucy Score.
Toxic Thoughts is a series of riveting, true story books, mistaken for gripping novels. Get ready to laugh and cry.
To know what it’s like to be live with a man like Gerry, you need look no further than the 2007 movie, Knocked Up . . . but that relationship was much more hopeful.
Three things in Juanita’s life have literally collapsed. Her building, her marriage and her lung. According to her doctor, if she stays in that toxic building, she won’t have a pulse. Surrounded by dead plants, rotted flowers and a large pile of unpaid bills, she’s one step away from bankruptcy. But quitting isn’t in her nature.
Her new boyfriend Gerry is an irresponsible clown. His favorite activity is making people laugh—and drinking. His biggest fear is tackling dirty dishes—being seen doing women’s work. He loves beer, cars, and Juanita—in that exact order. His idea of a steady income is scouring ditches for empty bottles. His savings account is a tank of siphoned gas. His favorite pastime is selling used appliances. Hers. They’ve bought five fridges in the past year. Three of them were pre-owned by her. Gerry sells them when money is tight and she repurchases them a few paychecks later.
Gerry’s like a big kid. It’s one of the things she loves and hates, about him. But he needs to grow up. Because she’s pregnant and doesn’t want to raise the kid alone.
The truth is, the odds of him proving to be father material, are about equal to the odds of Juanita avoiding bankruptcy. And the chances of her going bankrupt are far from slim. They’re inevitable.
A Stolen Son Chapter 17 Partial Excerpt
“911 state your emergency.”
“It’s—it’s my son.”
“Please state your emergency.”
“My son has been kidnapped—stolen.”
“Did you witness the kidnapping?”
“Yes.” My voice catches in my throat. “My ex-husband. We’re separated. We have joint custody and—”
“Ma’am calm down. The police don’t get involved in civil disputes.”
“But we had a legal agreement. He can’t take him out of the province. He’s breaking the law.”
“Ma’am please calm down. I repeat the police do not get involved in civil disputes. You need to contact an attorney.”
“But I—”
“Ma’am I have to clear the line for emergencies. I apologize but I have to hang up.”
“Can’t you at least send someone out? Hello? HELLO? NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO.”
Shattered pieces of drywall scatter past my face. When my arm gives out, I topple to the floor holding what once resembled a phone.
Ditches and Dumps Chapter 19 Partial Excerpt
“You can start by washing the shitty diapers.” I say, and head to the stove to boil some water. The truth is I missed Gerry. I was more miserable without him than I was with him. But I’m not going to go easy on him. If he’s not willing to pull his weight, I don’t want him back.
Is that the garden hose running? I push the door wide open. “What are you doing washing the car? You’re supposed to be—” Diapers are on the hood, the roof, the fenders and he’s hosing them off.
“Close your mouth before some shit splatters in it.”
“What’s holding them up?”
I look closer. The magnetic alphabets Sid had left on the fridge, the day he was kidnapped, are strewn all over the diapers.
Summary: “After a denied insurance claim results in bankruptcy, Juanita sets out to procure a job in the insurance industry, earn an insurance degree, and prove the other company ripped her off. Her only ally—a comedic, irresponsible, ADHD party animal—would rather drink than work. But after her first son is kidnapped, and the second is born with medical emergencies during a hospital strike, her priorities change.” – – Provided by publisher.
From the Publisher
Intoxicated: A True Story of an ADD Relationship. After the Family Was Ripped Apart, 25 Years Later They Reunite.
Toxic Thoughts: A series of riveting, true story books, mistaken for gripping novels. Unputdownable memoirs. Get ready to laugh and cry.
ASIN : B08KRMTWRD
Publisher : Smorgasbord Publications
Accessibility : Learn more
Publication date : November 10, 2020
Language : English
File size : 6.8 MB
Screen Reader : Supported
Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
X-Ray : Not Enabled
Word Wise : Enabled
Print length : 300 pages
ISBN-13 : 978-1936954216
Page Flip : Enabled
Book 3 of 6 : Toxic Thoughts
Best Sellers Rank: #1,316,481 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store) #1,710 in Men, Women & Relationships Humor #3,803 in Love, Sex & Marriage Humor #6,355 in Biographies & Memoirs of Women
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