How to Be a Better Friend, According to Therapists

When we think about improving our lives, we often focus on things like career success, financial goals, or personal health. But strengthening your friendships? That’s a real power move.

But being a good friend doesn’t always come naturally, especially in a world that keeps us busy, distracted, and often spread way too thin. The good news? Friendship is a skill you can work on and get better at—just like anything else.

We asked mental health experts what it really takes to be a better friend—and how you can deepen the friendships that matter most.

What Makes a Good Friend?

Being a good friend isn’t about always knowing the perfect thing to say or throwing epic birthday parties. It’s about presence, curiosity, and consistency.

“Being a friend is about being present, aware, and accepting,” says Dr. Andrew Kahn, a psychologist and associate director of behavior change and expertise at Understood.org. “Nothing feels better than being able to be ‘your whole self‘ in front of another person.”

Dr. Alex Dimitriu

A good friend is someone who shows up, listens well, shares in your joys, and supports you through challenges without judgment

Good friends listen without judgment, celebrate your wins, sit with you in your losses, and create a safe space where you don’t have to perform or pretend.

Founder of Menlo Park Psychiatry & Sleep Medicine, Dr. Alex Dimitriu—a psychiatrist and sleep medicine specialist—agrees. “A good friend is someone who shows up, listens well, shares in your joys, and supports you through challenges without judgment,” he says.

In other words: You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be willing to show up with empathy and curiosity.

The Benefits of Being a Good Friend

We often talk about the benefits of having good friends, but being a good friend can boost your mental health too.

When you show up for others, you strengthen your sense of purpose and connection, two factors that are major contributors to well-being. Strong friendships are associated with lower levels of anxiety and depression, better self-esteem, and even longer life expectancy.

Some research shows that a strong sense of community is associated with lower feelings of depression, anxiety, and stress.

A 2022 study, which focused on friendships between adolescents, found that friendship is a “potent buffer” for stress associated with childhood trauma. Strong friendships are associated with positive mental well-being, even in people who faced adversities in their childhood.

On the other hand, social isolation is bad news for our health. A review of studies, which looked at data spanning over 1.30 million people, found that social isolation is associated with an increased risk for mortality.

In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General published an advisory on the loneliness epidemic, reporting that being socially disconnected has a mortality impact similar to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and that loneliness is associated with poor mental health outcomes as well as cardiovascular disease, dementia, and stroke.

Loneliness isn’t just solved by having good people around you, but by having quality connections with those people. This includes being a good friend as well as having good friends.

All the data points to the fact that humans need friendships to thrive—both mentally and physically.

5 Practical Tips to Be a Better Friend

Being a better friend isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about small, meaningful actions that build trust and connection over time.

Here’s how:

1. Listen More Than You Talk

It’s easy to fall into the trap of waiting for your turn to speak. But true listening means being present—not planning your next comment while your friend is still talking.

As Dr. Kahn points out, sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is simply “listen, validate what your friend is feeling, and help them feel safe sharing.”

2. Validate Their Experiences

You don’t need to fix your friend’s problems. Often, the best gift you can offer is validation—the simple but powerful act of acknowledging their feelings without minimizing, judging, or offering unsolicited advice.

3. Check in Regularly

You don’t need an hour-long conversation to show you care. A quick “Thinking of you—how are you doing?” text can mean the world.

4. Celebrate Their Wins (Even The Small Ones)

Sometimes it’s easier to support a friend through a hard time than it is to show up enthusiastically for their successes. But celebrating your friends’ achievements—no matter how big or small—is an important part of being a good friend.

5. Respect Their Boundaries

Good friendships are built on trust, and respecting boundaries is a major part of that. Whether your friend needs space, isn’t ready to talk, or needs you to listen instead of giving advice, respecting their needs shows that you genuinely care.

Identifying and Avoiding Toxic Friendship Behaviors

Sometimes, what we think of as “helping” can actually be harmful. Here’s what to watch out for:

Being overly judgmental. Passing judgment, even subtly, can make your friend feel unsafe opening up.
Making assumptions. Dr. Dimitriu warns against “covert contracts”—unvoiced expectations or boundaries. Rather, communicate clearly and avoid assumptions.
Making it about you. It’s fine to relate to your friend’s experiences, but be mindful not to hijack the conversation with your own stories.
Giving unsolicited advice. Unless your friend explicitly asks for your advice, focus on listening and validating.

Likewise, for your own sake, you want to avoid friendships that make you feel bad about yourself. “They say you become the average of your group of friends, so make sure you are in a group you admire, respect, and trust,” Dr. Dimitriu shares.

If you notice any of these habits creeping in, don’t beat yourself up—just make a conscious effort to course-correct.

Supporting Friends with Mental Health Challenges

Supporting a friend who’s struggling with their mental health can feel overwhelming. You want to be there for them, but you also don’t want to overstep or take on the role of therapist.

“The most helpful friend listens, validates what their friend is feeling, and helps them feel safe in sharing about their mental health,” says Dr. Kahn. “Wherever possible, refrain from giving advice unless they ask you.”

If you notice that your friend’s struggles seem to be worsening—like they’re withdrawing, missing work, or talking about feeling hopeless—it might be time to gently encourage them to seek professional support.

“Sharing with your friend that you’re worried about them and that you see how much they’re struggling can be a helpful first step,” says Dr. Kahn.

Use nonjudgmental, compassionate language, and be ready to support them, whether they’re ready to seek help or not. “Your friend may or may not be ready to get help right now,” Dr. Kahn says. “But letting them know that you see how things are going for them shows that you care.”

Overcoming Personal Challenges in Friendships

Being a better friend doesn’t mean being perfect—it means being honest about your own struggles, too.

Friendships thrive when both people are willing to be vulnerable and open. If you’re struggling with social anxiety, low self-esteem, or other personal barriers, working on those issues (either with self-help strategies or professional support) can make a real difference.

And remember: It’s okay to need space sometimes. Setting healthy boundaries—and respecting your friend’s boundaries too—is part of what makes a friendship strong and sustainable.

Dr. Dimitriu encourages people to set boundaries when needed in friendships. “Be clear about your needs and boundaries, and express them,” he says. “Don’t become a doormat, and be aware of people who make you into one.”

Learn more about setting boundaries in relationships.

Keep in Mind

Friendship isn’t about always having the right words or doing the perfect thing. It’s about presence, compassion, patience, and showing up in the small, everyday moments.

By listening deeply, validating your friend’s feelings, being dependable, and working on your own emotional health, you can become the kind of friend everyone deserves—and you’ll probably find that your own life feels richer and more connected, too.

As Dr. Kahn reminds us, “Good friends are willing to listen, be present, and stay curious.” That’s a pretty solid place to start.