When I realized that the man I married was a sociopath, and our entire marriage was a scam, I was shocked. I didn’t deserve it. I was a good and honest person. Why did this happen to me? Today I’m going to propose that there may be an unexpected answer to the question. I’m going to talk about intuition and the purpose of the sociopath.
Here’s my proposition, which you may find surprising at first, but stick with me: Our awful entanglements with sociopaths often have a larger purpose, and that’s our personal spiritual growth.
This is an extremely difficult concept, especially when we believe in a benevolent God, universe, or higher power—whatever term you want to use—who only wants the best for us. Why, if God loves us, would he/she want us to experience the deceit, betrayal and destruction of a sociopath?
The answer is that it’s short-term pain for long-term gain.
In my case, the terrible experience allowed me to unearth internal pain and disappointment that was blocking me from feeling love and peace. My sociopathic ex sensed the negative feelings within me, and promised to be the answer to my prayers and the fulfillment of my dreams. It was all a mirage, of course, and he exploited me. But in the end, as much it grates on me to admit it, I benefited from the experience.
So, if interactions with sociopaths are beneficial, are we always meant to have them? Does God send us these predators for our own good?
Intuition
The answer, I believe, depends on our personal spiritual journeys. And how do we know what our journeys are supposed to be? Through our intuition.
Many, many of you have told me, or have posted on Lovefraud, that your intuition warned you, early in the involvement with the sociopath, that something was wrong. The story wasn’t adding up. You had an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach, or the individual gave you the creeps. But, for one reason or another, you ignored your intuition and continued the involvement anyway—much to your regret.
Read more: Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths
This happened to me. You’ve probably heard me talk about my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, who took a $227,000 from me. But before him, I was involved with another con artist. That time, I lost about $6,000.
When I was about to write him a large check, I clearly remember a very strong hit from my intuition—DON’T DO IT. But I ignored my intuition, gave him money, and lost it.
Individual journeys
Now, here’s something important—although my intuition warned me about the first con artist, my intuition never warned me that something was wrong with James Montgomery.
On the contrary, when my logical mind perceived problems, discerned that he was lying to me, and I specifically prayed for guidance, asking what to do—my intuition told me to stay with him.
Now, with my ex-husband, this wasn’t a case of me missing one subtle warning. I had serious doubts. I knew this man was draining my money. I knew he couldn’t be trusted. But I kept receiving guidance to stick it out, that we were experiencing difficult times but it would all work out.
In fact, I was so distraught about everything that was going on that I brought it up with my energy therapist. And she received all the same messages — it would be ok.
The truth comes out
Then, when everything fell apart and the truth came out, I asked her, “Do the spirit guides mess with you?”
She replied, “Sometimes.” My guides hadn’t quite told me the truth about what was going to happen.
Why? Because getting involved with that particular sociopath, James Montgomery, fulfilled my spiritual plan. And my spiritual plan was to stick around with Montgomery until I got the full lesson.
Tangling with a certain sociopath may not have been your plan. I probably didn’t need to be involved with the first one. That’s why my intuition warned me not to give him that check. But I allowed myself to be swayed by my own hubris. I thought I could handle the situation.
Perhaps you allowed yourself to be swayed by the sociopath’s charm and golden tongue, and now you’re watching Lovefraud videos, trying to recover.
If this happened to you, it probably means that your lesson is to listen to your intuition and heed its warnings. You may have missed the lesson before, but you never will again.
Sociopaths in the family
So what does all of this mean for people who have sociopathic family members? You were born into the family with them. You didn’t meet them, or have an opportunity to say yes or no to the relationship.
I’d say that in these cases, you probably were meant to have an opportunity for spiritual growth through the relationship. But at some point, the lesson may be over. At some point, your intuition may tell you that it’s time to let go and put the person out of your life.
Long-term perspective
Let me add some perspective here. I mentioned that experiences with sociopaths may be short-term pain for long-term gain. From a universal perspective, long-term is really, really long. In my case, I realized that I’d tangled with James Montgomery for multiple lifetimes over thousands of years. If you want to know more, it’s all in my first book, called Love Fraud – How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan.
So this time around, I was with Montgomery for two and a half years, spent a year divorcing him, and slightly more than a year after my divorce, met the true love of my life, Terry Kelly. So yes, the pain of those years with Montgomery were brutal, but the gain was that Terry and I just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary.
Lessons don’t have to last forever. Growth can be achieved. When our intuitions tell us that we’ve accomplished what we set out to do, we can congratulate ourselves and move on.
