Leading up to my wedding in 2005, I worked as an editor but aspired to be a writer. I told my brother that I needed to get published as Cathy Cassata before the wedding so I could keep my maiden name Cassata. I didn’t want a writing portfolio of stories with two different last names. He was quick to respond: “Why do you need a published story to determine that? Just don’t change it, if that’s what you want.” My husband shared the same sentiment and didn’t bat an eye when I told him I wanted to keep my maiden name.
In addition to anticipating how a name change would affect my career, I also didn’t want to lose connection to a name and Italian culture I identified with since birth. Now that I have two children with their own last name, perhaps they feel the same allegiance to it.
Today, my portfolio is packed with stories all with the same byline and I am still happy with my choice to keep my maiden name. Though, not every woman who gets married feels the same allegiance to her maiden name. In fact, 79% of women in opposite-sex marriages took their spouse’s last name when they got married, according to 2023 Pew Research. Of women married to men, white women are more likely than Black and Hispanic women to take their spouses last name after marriage.
Nora Gruenberg decided to take her ex-husband’s last name because it was more important to him than keeping her maiden name was to her. “I jumped into it with the attitude that I’m the same Nora but with an added layer. It was a rebrand! I know who I am,” she says. In her divorce, she was given the right to reclaim her maiden name but she chose not to. “It would seem that my philosophy that a ‘Nora by any other name is just as Nora’ still stands,” she says.
For women of all sexual orientations who have never been married, their views vary on the matter
with 33% noting they would take their spouse’s last name, 23% saying they would keep their maiden name, 17% saying they would hyphenate both names, and 24% indicating that they are not sure.
Women taking their husband’s last name began in the 9th century as a way to legally bind their identity to their husband and remove it from their father. Over time, taking on a spouse’s name has become a tradition and symbolism of unity rather than an action that holds legal power.
If you’re about to get married or have recently married, you’ve probably given a lot of thought to the topic. So, should you change your name? Are there downsides to doing so? It’s a personal choice that may vary from person to person, so let’s take a look at why you may or may not want to change your name.
Professional Considerations of Changing Your Name
For some women, changing their last name after marriage may have no effect on their career. For
others, Kathy Caprino, career coach, says it can alter how they are recognized within their professional networks, potentially impacting the reputation and personal brand they have built. For instance, if you have established a company or service with your maiden name and then change it, customers may become confused or it may be more confusing to share testimonials.
“Additionally, it can influence how we feel regarding our own personal identity and how we perceive ourselves internally and externally in our professional and personal circles,” says Caprino.
She suggests informing colleagues, clients, and professional contacts about your name change through a personal note or email.
Administrative challenges, such as updating records and ensuring consistency across professional documents is another factor. A name change requires updating the following:
- Social Security card
- Driver’s license
- Passport
- Bank accounts
- Professional licenses
- Employment records related to payroll, insurance, and retirement
- Personal records related to utility accounts, subscriptions, voter registration, etc.
“Each agency or organization may have its own process, timeline, and fees, so staying organized
is crucial. For professionals with certifications or licenses, there can be additional requirements to ensure their updated name is recognized in their field,” says Joe Nazarian, founder and managing partner at Pathway Law Firm.
The administrative work was the biggest burden for Gruenberg. “For women entertaining the thought of taking another name, really think about what it will take,” she says. “Now that I’m divorced, let me tell you, I’m not going through all of that again.”
Positives of Changing Your Name After Marriage
Changing one’s name after marriage might offer a fresh start or a new sense of privacy, “especially
if they wish to distance themselves from past professional associations or from families and individuals who weren’t supportive or safe,” says Caprino.
A new last name might also help in overcoming biases in recruitment or professional settings, and can sometimes lead to new opportunities or perceptions, she notes.
“If you do want to change your name, you can reframe it away from a ‘loss’ of your current name and
more as a way to reshape and strengthen your personal and professional identity so it aligns well with your values, goals, and your ultimate visions for the future,” Caprino says.
Gruenberg says having the same last name as her kids brings family name cohesiveness. “But do
I think that’s a necessity? No.”
Biggest Mistakes People Make When Changing Their Last Name
Common mistakes people make when changing their last name include the following, says Nazarian.
- Overlooking professional credentials. For licensed professionals, forgetting to update certifications and licenses can lead to complications, as some regulatory bodies require immediate notification.
- Neglecting digital presence. Not keeping your personal and professional digital presence current on platforms like LinkedIn can lead to confusion or missed networking opportunities.
- Failing to keep a checklist. Not keeping track of all the places you update your name can result in missed updates, causing issues down the line, especially with financial institutions or government agencies.
- Starting the process at a bad time. To minimize disruptions and delays, don’t start the
process immediately before a major life event, such as a move or new job.
Nazarian also suggests using a certified copy of your marriage certificate in each step of the process, as it’s often required to prove the legitimacy of your name change.
How to Make the Decision To Keep or Change Your Name
If you’re struggling with whether to keep your name or change it, Caprino says think about how you internally feel about your current name and your potential new name through marriage.
“As a writer and former therapist, I’ve seen firsthand that words carry strong energy, and our associations with words are often very emotionally-charged. So it’s important to sit with this decision and think carefully through how you feel about the idea of keeping or changing your name and how the new name ‘feels’ to you,” she says.
For Gruenberg, the crux of this issue is choice. She says to ask yourself: Do you have one? Do you feel you can exercise that choice? “That’s what matters,” she says. If keeping your name is something you value, “don’t cave to make a man happy. If he’s terribly injured by you keeping your name, ask yourself tough questions and make good decisions based on the answers to those questions,” adds Gruenberg.
If you don’t feel a connection to your name or that it defines you, and you want to change it after
getting married, “do what you want to do and make no apologies for it,” says Gruenberg.
The decision to change your last name after marriage can be a hefty one. However, thinking through the personal and professional implications can help you make the best choice for you.
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